You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
