So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
