no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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