Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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