You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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