sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
