They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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