i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
