im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
