hell yes lets make some ravioli
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
