I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
