mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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