There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
