note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
