I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
