My brain says no but my pants say off.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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