He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
