when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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