Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
