Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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