she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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