Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
