hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
