It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i drank out of a bidet.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
