terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
