I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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