So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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