You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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