I CAN MOONWALK!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
