I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
