fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
