It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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