i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
