he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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