i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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