my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
