Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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