Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
