:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
