Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
