I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
