how can u be prego again
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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