Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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