When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
