Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
