Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
