you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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