maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I party with great urgency now.
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