the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
