Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
