I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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