I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
