your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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