i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
