In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
